There's a fire burning in my heart

I don’t know why I thought you were any different…. and to think I actually thought that we could be good together. Who knew that 5 months into something and you would have me the closest to saying those 3 little words that mean so much. Luckily for me I saw the truth, more so that I have sisters and friends who love me enough to tell me what I don’t want to hear even if it’s going to hurt. I’m thankful for my friends I am but crying over you hurts just as much as when I was with you towards the end. I know you aren’t worth my tears, this whole post relationship drama is so juvenile… but I can’t help the tears that fall…. just like I couldn’t help feeling so strongly towards you. I guess things happen for a reason, that this is what’s best for both of us in the long run, but for now… I just hurt. 

Change of heart

It’s been a good while since I’ve been on Tumblr, I kinda sorta fell in love with Pinterest. Sorry bout that. But honestly I think I’ve had a change of heart about the whole cold heartless bitch aspect of my life. I used to think it would be okay that it didn’t matter if I was a cold heartless person because I never wanted to get married or have kids… now, I’m not so sure if that is what I want. Why is this happening all of the sudden… not okay.

What I wish I could say.

You don't have to apologize, sweetheart.
You were upset. I know.

   
                   
No, Dad, you don't know.          
That's just it, you've never known... 
...because I've never
been able to tell you.

   
                   
- Tell me what?

- That I'm angry with you, Dad!                 
This entire thing.
About you, and Lydia and the kids...

   
                   
It's my fault.                   
I should have told you
about them before, and I'm sorry.

   
                   
Yeah, you should've warned me,
but it's more than that.                   
It's the fact that you've found yourself
this new family...              
...and I feel like some outsider
who doesn't even belong to you anymore..               
It's like you traded me and Mom in for
something that you thought was better..               
...and I wanna know why.
Are you ashamed of me?                
Are you embarrassed?              
Just tell me, Dad,
what did I do wrong?                
Why did you leave?
Why did you have to go?                  
And then tell me
that we were gonna be closer?                  
But that never happened.                   
Dad, why does Paul visit
his alcoholic dad every month... but you only visit me twice a year? And I know... 
You just seem so happy
about being Paul and Krista's dad ...but you never even had the time to be mine.

                  
I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.
   
                   
I wish that were enough, Dad.